Principles of Active Listening

Listening insights from the Veggie Tales

With two young daughters, I’m rediscovering the Veggie Tales Silly Song catalogue. One of the classics is “I Love My Lips.” It’s a journey deep into the psyche of Larry the Cucumber as he confronts his fear of losing his lips with the help of his therapist Dr. Archibald. It’s a wild ride with plenty of unexpected twists and turns. As an adult, I noticed the rhythm of back and forth between Larry and Dr. Archibald as textbook active listening.

As a social work student, I was trained in active listening skills. These skills help listeners to not just hear the speaker but to understand the speaker. Tennant and Long offer the following tips (quoted directly) which are common in active listening resources:

1. Concentrate on the sender. Give your full attention to the speaker and their message.

2. Listen for the intended message. Rather than hearing what you want or expect, strive to understand the speaker's intended meaning.

3. Refrain from premature judgment. Avoid making swift judgments if your relationship with the sender isn't robust. Observe their body language to gain insights into their attitudes toward the message.

4. Reflect and paraphrase. Reiterate what you have understood in your own words. This demonstrates your engagement and confirms your comprehension.

5. Ask for clarification. Do not hesitate to ask if any part of the message remains unclear. This will ensure accurate understanding and prevent miscommunication.

6. Maintain focus. If the sender veers off-topic, gently steer the conversation back to the original issue or concern.

7. Avoid distractions and assumptions. Stay focused on the sender's words rather than letting your thoughts wander or make unfounded assumptions.

8. Listen fully before responding. Ensure you have heard and understood the entire message before responding. Active listening is a two-way process.¹

Overall, I think these are great tips. The emphasis on attention, intended meaning, withholding judgment, and avoiding distractions are all important aspects of listening well and are worth practicing.

A Few Hesitations

My struggle with active listening is that some aspects of active listening are too professionalized for the average person. If you’re a therapist, counselor, social worker, or other professional listener you can ignore this section. For everyone else, know that reflection and paraphrasing take practice and can feel overly professional in a casual conversation. The Veggie Tales employ reflection and paraphrasing throughout the song because it’s universally recognized as “therapy speak.” Being overly professional in a casual conversation can come across as awkward or condescending.

Steering a conversation is also something that takes practice and isn’t right for every conversation. Often in non-professional listening it’s ok to let the conversation wander a bit (we’re not charging per-hour after all).

What Active Listening Misses

All the active listening resources I’ve read leave the most important tip out: actually care about what the other person is saying. Until you want to listen to the person you’re talking to, active listening tricks will only help so much. Cultivate a personal value of curiosity, and active listening will come naturally. Every person you interact with is full of stories, experiences, and insights that can enrich your life. The people around you are gifted, interesting, and complicated. Jesus exemplifies this in the Gospels. Rowan Williams noted:

“[Jesus] took it for granted that if there was somebody around, that somebody was worth his company—and that’s how the church started.”

Listening to another person is an opportunity to enrich your life and widen your perspective. Good listening take practice and active listening techniques can help. If you transform your heart for others and grow in curiosity, you’ll grow your listening ability exponentially and be equipped to better understand the Larry the Cucumbers in your life.

1. Tennant K, Long A, Toney-Butler TJ. Active Listening. [Updated 2023 Sep 13]. In: StatPearls [Internet]. Treasure Island (FL): StatPearls Publishing; 2024 Jan-. Available from: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK442015/