Prepare for Listening

A social work lecture I still remember 15 years later

The other night I was laying in bed looking at my phone (I know it’s a bad habit). My wife said something to me and then said those dreaded words, “What do you think?” I had no idea what she was asking me to reflect on. I started to mumble a made-up answer and then said, “Sorry I didn’t hear what you said.” She replied with a big grin, “No problem, Mr. Listening Expert.”

Being a good listener requires paying attention. And the best way to pay attention to someone is to be prepared to listen. This is one of the lectures in Intro to Social Work that sticks with me 15 years later. In the social work field it’s called Preparing Skills. In the social work setting, every meeting with a client requires significant preparation.

As you embark on community listening, you’ll have opportunities to sit down and talk with people. If you want to listen better, take some time to prepare. Here’s a few of the things I remember from that social work lecture:  

1. Do Your Research:

Take time to review the available information about who you’re about to listen to. Maybe you Google their name and read their bio. Maybe you look back at your notes from the last time you talked. Maybe you look at the emails or texts you’ve exchanged with them.

2. Examine Yourself:

Now take a few minutes for self-reflection. Think about how the person you’re about to listen to might impact you. Perhaps you have some bias to set aside. Consider any distractions you might be carrying today. They might be minor, or they might be significant. How are you feeling? Are you hungry, tired, cranky?

3. Preparatory Empathy:

Take a moment to walk a mile in the person’s shoes in your mind. What is like to be them? What burdens might they be carrying? What excites them? This is all about warming up the empathetic part of your brain so you can be a compassionate listener in the upcoming conversation.

4. Centering:

Last but not least, it’s time to release (even if just for the next hour) those distractions. You might do this in prayer or journaling. You might make a note to work on something after your conversation. Address what else might distract you.  Drink some water (or coffee), stretch your legs, use the restroom, text your significant other. Whatever you need to do to be present with the person you’re about to talk to.

Now you’re ready!

When you prepare for listening you give yourself the chance to pay attention. And when you pay attention to someone you give yourself the chance to understand them. And that’s the ultimate goal of deep listening.